What a dense journey it has been thus far....at this point, there is no way to keep this music, these words, the drawings, hidden away. So, this space is devoted to sharing these various creations to inspire, to draw others out of darkness. Here you will find songs, videos, poetry, and writing. Mostly, I will let that speak for itself in the languages they present. Music is essential to so many peoples joy, relaxation, and healing. So many memories and stories are stored inside music. I feel compelled to share my piece of this precious life through art- and it comes as a result of dancing with my own hurt, confusion, and observations about how to constantly return to centre.
I am also a student and teacher of the stars - astrology. it is no coincidence that the lessons of the cosmos found me in the depth of a time of great confusion and darkness, and that is a wild story in and of itself. I ate up the knowledge. and like music, I had no choice but to extend it outside of myself. This drive to help others through this language has returned to me, and i'm happy to say that I'm now offering readings again.
the demon who teaches me.
I would not be here without my own dose of suffering. The journey out of self-hate has been absolutely everything - to have unconditional compassion for the self is something I am here to not only do myself, but to spread through what is shared.
I have battled a mentally, physically, and emotionally destructive eating disorder for the majority of my life. Life was becoming an unconscious commitment to this monster. I simply got sick of being stuck. sick of hiding my light. sick of being sick. this work, the music, the art, the astrology, is essential for me to do so I don't get sucked back into the cave of "smallness". I find that to share this work is also to transform myself and stay in check. I dance with this demon as a teacher, a friend, and wish to share my continual journey with this with others who are struggling with disordered eating, self-hate, depression, and other mental illnesses. (you can find more about my journey with anorexia, orthorexia, and overexercise on my YouTube channel where I've openly exposed the battles with that.)
i decided that it simply wasn't worth it to live anymore and not really be living.
It all kind of started in 2014. I was at seemingly my dream school in Boston, Massachusetts at Berklee College of Music. Quickly, I spiralled. I was being shown that my dreams would not be happening in the way that i planned them. And i fought. I tried to ignore the impulses I had to completely uproot and start over somewhere else. But I was (and still am) pushed into my truth. What I've known since I was a little girl, to be on the stage, to be creating beautiful sounds.
Self love still felt so out of reach. I didn't know if it was ever going to be possible to get "there". My home was on the 20th floor of a skyscraper in a busy city, and i kept being drawn to nature. The soft trees of springtime reminded me of gentleness. In these little patches of magic, I felt inklings to start writing again, like i did when i was a child. The furious way my hand can't keep up with the stories that want to come through it. Music started coming back. my voice sounded "real" again.
These experiences, among others along the way (honestly, Blip tells the story so much easier than I could try to type out here) have given me the grounds to help others along their journey to REMEMBERING what it is they are meant to do on this earth.
Moving to the mountain town that I now call home completely changed my life for the better. This place has been the grounds for endless healing- and also the rock that I have chosen to build on. I recorded my first album here. Been blessed with a family and community, and remembered how to climb trees and let go and just do things because they FEEL GOOD. The return to what I've known all along has happened here.
The story continues. I am still in this place of evolution, of healing, of teaching, listening. Forever a student, but empowered, evolving, and living my life as if I'm dying.
These days, I prefer to DO it rather than spend time talking ABOUT it. I am here to share my own journey toward doing what I know I need to be doing to nourish my soul, which is to follow the music.
I feel lucky. honoured, challenged and humbled by this medicine that is sound and art.